Face of War
Published 1 year, 5 months ago in My life.Last night a question rang out from the television which stopped me in my tracks.
“Is your beauty regime only doing half the job?”
“Beauty regime?” I thought. “What beauty regime?”
Since Alain had fitted the shower filter I no longer even used a moisturiser.
I didn’t have a beauty “modus operandi” or even a beauty “system” let alone a “regime”.
That I needed a “regime” for my beauty was most alarming.
The word “regime” had militaristic overtones; Hitler had a regime!
Until now I had been blissfully unaware that there was a war going on and my face was under siege.
The shrill and accusatory tone of the question, implied that to have a beauty regime doing only half the job was bad, to have no regime at all was cataclysmic.
After all, look what happened to Poland!
I slipped out of the room, not wishing to alarm Alain, whose faith in my cosmetic free, natural beauty had always been touchingly absolute, and set a path for the bathroom mirror. I needed to assess the damage that the tanks of time had tracked across my defenseless face. The trench-like lines, the enlarged pores scattered like fallen soldiers, the hidden minefield of future blemishes ready to tear apart the once peaceful landscape of my youth.
A thought struck me, perhaps a little diplomatic intervention could avert open warfare, buy me some time until I could get a regime in place.
“Product” I cried.
I needed product; cleansers, toners, lifters, lowerers, plumpers and extractors.
Day creams and night gels.
Masks and dermabrasives
Feverishly I recalled a program I had watched about Botox.
“a non-invasive procedure which has the duel benefit of reducing lines already present and preventing more from forming” an ageless (and strangely expressionless) blonde American had burbled perkily, while her face had slid gracelessly off her skull and on to the floor.
Surely, with my fortieth birthday looming in a matter of months, things had gone too far for such half measures.
I needed to enlist the services of a cosmetic surgeon.
But who?
A man of ordinary talents could never win in the face of such adversity. I needed a “Menzies” of a surgeon, a “Churchill” even!
“Never give in, never, never, never, never…”
Someone who could lead my sad and sagging visage to a victory over time and neglect.
I stumbled into the bathroom, groping desperately for the light switch. I staggered toward the mirror and took a long, hard, look… and had to admit I really didn’t look that bad. Certainly better than someone without a “beauty regime” deserved to look according to the television.
I may postpone implementing the regime for another forty years.
16 Responses to “Face of War”
Leave a Reply
Your reply will not appear on the site until it has been approved
I like your writing talent goldie.
I used to enjoy writing things in the female voice,
and submit them annonymously.
It worked well until those that new me well recognised a certain journalistic type similar style to that of the shadowmaster.
I felt smug, then the viscious rumors started to lay it’s evil web upon the evil tangled weaving of my deciet.
If i can write so well in the female voice…
After i dried my eyes, i laughed in a sort of wicked evil overlord way, and returned to my usual authors name.
Try writing in the male voice goldie, tis good fun to gender bender writer enlighter.
cheerio
shadowmaster
Damned advertisers, always misusing the language. What they meant to say Goldy was that you need a beauty regimen. Of course you probably do not need any such thing, but you certainly do not need a regime.
Although, according to my trusty Oxford English Reference Dictionary, the word regime can be used to describe “the conditions under which a scientific or industrial process occurs'’. If that is the case, well, you need something.
Thats so good gold.
I have to say Ilike “product” and have a sort of regime, unfortunately I don’t think it’s done anything much to avert the ravages of war. I often think now that if I were to come into some money I’d happily hand it over to be sucked, tucked, plucked and lifted.
Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant… your writing style is hilarious and fascinating. And you make a good point. Such aggressive marketing.
I do partially disagree though - not everyone is lucky enough to age so flawlessly as you (I’d have guessed your age at mid twenties). It’s genetics and metabolism. And if someone feels they look better (or their skin actually feels better) after using products, why not? Good for them, good for the economy, creates jobs, everyone’s happy. Some people genuinely have dry skin that wrinkles faster, or blocked pores that make pimples (and much as “natural” skin is nice, so is “non-pizza” skin). Also, Botox can help people with headaches. Some unlucky souls have skin that sunburns easily and need a lot of care for it even with sunscreen, just to keep their skin healthy. For some, it is like a military operation, trying to fight acne, sunburn and wrinkles at once despite the fact that they need opposing treatment.
Perhaps regime is a strong word… but not as strong as an age-guess that overshoots by thirteen years (*cries*). Give me a beauty regime anyday.
I too appreciated your writing style, creating the visual “golden” image as if I was looking over your left shoulder panicking along with you, for just a moment until common sense took over. I reckon the average woman looks just fine with how mother nature created her…..lumps, bumps and even the odd mole just adds character to a face…well that’s my defence for doing nothing these past forty years.
Think of the money “Alain” will save by telling you you’re beautiful “ah la natural”!
You should try and get that published Golden1, as the shadowmaster infers, a great writing talent. Personally I believe women don’t start looking their best until their mid 30s to 40s! To hell with the superficiality of make up amd perfumes, they just make me sneeze!
Grumpy, agree on two points.
Goldie should publish her writing- perhaps she does already?
And yes, i dont think age constructs it’s best work till we reach our 30/40’s.
Obviously, there is an age bia here- you an i, but under 30’s all look the same to me.
Not enough worries to create the final touches.
PS shadowmaster has met goldie, and i would have put her
age around late 20’s (hopefuly, shad aint in trubl)
PPS no, i aint gunna comment on any others that i have met.
cheerio
shadowmaster
Hey thanks guys ( Shadow and Chaos you are soooooooo on my christmas card list!!!)
I do recognise that people have different skin types and rates of aging - I was blessed with my grandmother’s skin ( she is 100 next Feb and as mad as a cut snake, but her skin is still amazing!).
But I do reject the idea that beauty is something that requires agressive maintenance regimes and that aging cannot be beautiful.
PS
Shadow - I hope that estimate wasn’t in dog years
Here’s an oldie, but a goldie (sorry goldie,nothing untoward meant here)
IF YOU LOOK FOR SOMETHING, YOU WILL NEVER FIND IT.
likewise, needlessly worrying about this or that, can not be good for one. Don’t go out of your way to fight the unfightable, and the little things will look after themselves.
cheerio
‘Simon, Tahiti sounds nice.’
‘Darling, i’m making myself beautiful for you.’
TALKING TV ADS HERE GOLDIE.
shadowmaster
“You know you’re soaking in it”
But teeth are harder than chalk
cheerio
shadowmaster
What does Cher use
Bwaaaahhahahah! You minds are like jelly to me, ready to be modeled into willing slaves of the state.
Hi Goldie, Mary has got it in one when she said “until common sense took over”. That’s what we should all do. As the tradition tells us and experience confirms everything in moderation should be the norm or common use.
We have five senses and associated with it organs and its extensive functions. If we are attuned to them and take a cue for what is happening with our body then the common sense gives us a clue to what to do.
As to the skin, it is the largest organ of the body that protects us, is part of body homeostasis, gives us nutrients and eliminates toxins. It sensitively reacts to our physical, emotional and organic problems with rashes, imperfections and disorders.
So beauty is not just skin deep and its look & feel is a reflection of the health of the body and mind. And if we live sensibly and moderately then together with the skin we age gracefully for a very long time.
So Goldie, looks like you use common sense in its full sense and every sense. And you are set to become an oldie goldie . I wish I could say the same for myself.
Thats so Sense able