Does anyone have any toilet training advice?
Published 1 year, 4 months ago in Kids stuff.My two and a half year old has been nappy free during the day since well before she turned two and because of this we did not envisage any further problems with toilet training - we kind of considered the job done (no pun intended). However, she has developed a habit of withholding poo until her nappy goes on at night and presenting herself to be cleaned up within an hour of going to bed. Aside from the admirable display of bowel control, it is an incredibly irritating and wasteful habit (sorry, no pun intended, again) as it is a huge waste of (very expensive) nappies and we are usually confronted with a smelly, pooy child about two mouthfuls into our evening meal.
She simply refuses to do a poo in the toilet.
I know some kids are quite fearful of the toilet, but this is not the case and in fact she is quite keen on the whole toilet process. We have tried praise, rewards, bribes and on the very odd occasion threats. We know that she knows what to do, as when we ask her “where do we put our poo?” she always cheerfully replies “In the toilet” and she has in the past had a quite a few positive “bottom to toilet” poo experiences.
My theory is that it is a control thing- it being one of the few things in her world that she has some control over.
My partner thinks it is an attention thing - she can get out of bed and get some extra attention that her little brother isn’t getting.
Either way we don’t know what to do about it. Can anyone out there help? Has anyone else encountered this problem?
16 Responses to “Does anyone have any toilet training advice?”
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make a big production of taking her out and buying her big girl undies. (Put the ol plastic sheet under her sheet) and tell her from now on she is a big girl and no more nappies at night time. Be prepared to change a few sheets, And dont put that nappy back on for her to fill !! I had a friend whos daughter did this, and it went on until she was four and a half…….ridiculous, but she got lots of attention !!
Allow her to take a book in with her so she can read while she is sitting on the toilet. My daughter finds this a particular entertaining experience.
Thanks Sandra, thanks Winnierose. Had been thinking it was about time to try her without the nighttime nappy. I might try both of these methods combined and see how we go.
It is not attention seeking behavior, it’s her normal routine and you will have to change her routine slowly or suffer the consequences. Good luck.
We made a nightly point of telling our son that he was on the last, small packet of nappies and that was the end of nappies. When we ran out, he protested the first couple of nights, wet the bed a couple of times subsequently but adapted pretty quickly. Horses for courses, but we’ve always found preparing our boy for change by explaining things to him well in advance, being consistent with what we tell him — then sticking to whatever we’ve said (the hard bit) — works pretty well.
Let us know how it all goes and what you found worked best
Sure will Sandra - in fact we have had two days running of poo in toilet - We are very happy about this although, we only got this result after two afternoons of bottom clutching, whining and hysteria - (her not us) Tried the book idea but she was in too much of a state to respond and I may come back to that idea later in the process.
Solomon - can I check what age your son was when you went through this? I have started telling her that her nappies are running out - brilliant, by the way - but I don’t want to force the issue if she is still a bit young.
Others may disagree with me, but I believe that two and a half is a bit young to be rid of night nappies if they are not yet ready. My daughter has been out of day nappies for about a year now (she has just turned three) but I still keep her in night nappies. I don’t think I’ll address the issue until she is at least three and a half.
Thanks Sandra that is good to know. It is so hard to tell what is the right thing to do. Both my sister’s kids were dry at night before they were dry during the day at around 2 1/2 so each child is different. It is really the poo in the toilet thing that we are trying to achieve not dry nights. I think it is a good idea to prepare them for what is ahead though- planting the idea of no nappies at night so she is in the loop so to speak, might be a good start. That is why I liked Solomon’s approach.
Thanks for your comments. Can you keep up with me on your milestones? You are six months ahead and it is great to have someone who has just gone through stuff that we are going through. We don’t have many friends with kids here in Melbourne and we do feel a little isolated sometimes.
Thanks
My son was exactly three. I think Sandra has a good point. We are so eager to have our kids get out of nappies that we push too hard too early and it only makes life miserable for parents and child.
I must have been lucky, my little one was out of night nappies at 2 1/2 and yes we try and explain things to her before they happen, I really think it helps instead of just springing it on them.
I had noticed her nappy was dry night after night so when we ran out that was it, as luck would have it we had a party that day and she got so overwhelmed by the people she got too shy to eat and just drank juice (a treat here) so she soaked the bed that night.
Ahh well, but this doesn’t help you indi have you asked your health nurse or MCH line?
Good luck to all.
Whatever your daughter’s motives, it seems there’s not much you can do to change the behaviour (after trying bribes, rewards etc etc).
My 6.5yo is still not night toilet trained. But it does not bother him so I make sure it does not bother me. How many 18yos are not toilet trained? It’ll happen one day. Yes the nappies are expensive. And it’s annoying. But it’s not like you can make them hold on.
Cleaning up poo two mouthfuls into your dinner is yuck-o, I know. I would explain that to her. Request that she poo in the morning and see if she does!
This is how I trained my kids to go to the toilet - I didn’t. No pressure, no nothing.
Of course there were accidents. We let them work it out for themselves but they’re smart. With my son, it happened overnight. Everything clicked - never an accident since. My daughter, it took longer, but we never made an issue. I think it sometimes help to let them see how you do it because they will always copy you. It’s a bit disgusting but how often do kids walk in the bathroom when you’re on the toilet. A lot, I’d say, so let them learn about it naturally - no strategic teaching - and let them go with the flow!!
Golden1. Just googled toilet training tips to help with my 3.5yo daughter….. thought I was reading my own question when I read yours!! I have the identical problem. Have tried the bribes, been relaxed and not pressured her, done the “run out of nappies” routine and lastly have now been advised to give her a bunch of pull ups located in the bathroom and tell her she has to do poo in the bathroom either in potty or in pull ups (bribe still stands if in potty/toilet). Suffice to say, nothing has worked. Interestingly it took 5 minutes to get her to wee in toilet and she has for the last 18 months!! She sits on toilet very happily to wee but mention the word poo and she freaks out as though seat is burning. DID YOU GET ANY RESULTS ??…. is there anything that worked for you? (I notice it has been several months there was any activity on this issue).
Hi there,
I remember both my children having a problem with poo. The problem is that they have spent all their life so far having poo come out and staying in the vicinity (the nappy). So it feels funny to them having it stretch out and disappear without feeling it next to their skin. It may feel like it is pulling something out from inside them and the feeling is very scary. Once we got the first couple of poos in the toilet (or potty) the children realise that nothing but poo has come out and there is no big drama with the feeling that they are now getting used to. You just have to follow the child around when you can see the signs that they are going to disappear for a poo or go in after one hour and see if they look like pushing one out, then grab them and sit them on the potty, read a book to them while they are sitting, talk about that feeling of it coming out and going away, say it is ok. We used to make up stories about anything just to keep them sitting there (doesnt matter if you are there for 15 or 20 minutes). Play games.
Good luck.
Hello
Sitting here reading all of your problems and solutions and I am so frustrated I am the mother of 4 boys , yes 4 and I didn’t have much of a problem with the first 3 but my youngest son Matthew has just turned 4 last month he has been doing wees on the toilet since before xmas and out of a night nappy for about that long also.He was doing poos on the toilet for a short while back then, not that he really liked going saying he was scared of the toilet and then he started holding it for days so it was too hard to get out and hurt his bottom.Now he just poos his pants , then asks me to come and change him this is very frustrating for me and him and limits our social life as a family coz i can be changing up tp 4 pairs of undies and clothing a day so we just stay home alot or my partner takes the other boys out and I stay home with Matty or vice versa. I’m at my wits end as this is very depressing we”ve been to the local GP who says “just tell him to wait for you in the bathroom or send him outside and dont run to him let him stay in it for a while but tell him you dont like the smell in the house “. Tried this but it doesnt work. He’s at 3 yr old kinder now 4 yr old next year time is running out for us .Could there be a medical problem with him? I dont know anymore .